Deelnemende ouerskap vra tyd vir in-oefening

Written by webmeester on . Posted in Positiewe Ouerskap

René,
baie dankie vir jou kommentaar na aanleiding van die Positiewe Ouerskap
kursus waarmee ons nog besig is. Dit is wonderlik dat julle reeds
soveel sukses behaal. Moenie ontmoedig voel as dit soms nog so ‘n
bietjie stram gaan nie. Daar is baie streke wat drie jariges uithaal
wat eintlik normaal is op drie. Hulle is bv baie bewus van hulle eie
wil. As hulle dieselfde gedrag op tien jaar sou openbaar was dit
moontlik stof tot kommer.

Ek stem saam dat dit beslis harde werk is om deelnemende ouers te wees. ‘n Mens vind uit dat jy veral baie dinkwerk moet doen.

 

As
troos wil ek sê: Gun julleself tyd om “in te kom” in die deelnemende
benadering. ‘n Ouer het gesê dat nadat sy en haar man sewe keer
intensief deur die handleiding gewerk het, het hulle met vreugde besef
dat die benadering deel van hulle geword het. ‘n Mens word egter nooit
“volmaak” nie. Ek haal aan hoe ‘n anonieme ouer haar vordering beskryf:

 

  1. You insult your child. You think about it and it bothers you.
  2. You hear yourself again making cutting comments. You listen helplessly as the words come out of you.
  3. You
    are about to make an insulting remark. Still, you are unable to stop
    yourself. Real irritation with self sets in. You make a firm mental
    note to improve.
  4. An
    annoying situation arises again. You can’t use the old way. You still
    don’t know how to use the new way. Something feeble and peculiar comes
    out of you.
  5. You
    feel annoyed with yourself, and review the situation again. You say to
    yourself, “I should have said…” You review it several times.
  6. Now
    you are almost eager for a crises to come so that you can use your new
    approach. You get the chance soon enough. This time you are prepared.
    Though the language is new, the tone is right. Everyone is surprised.
    But the method is not quite part of you yet.
  7. You
    begin to express all nuances with of anger with assurance and
    authority, without insult or attack. This new approach is becoming part
    of your personality. You play it like a musician.
  8. Joy, oh joy; the children reflect your behavior and your words.
  9. Alas,
    you are only human. You make mistakes. Only part of you have the energy
    to use this approach. With all your skill and good will, there are
    still those painful moments when nothing works, when you feel helpless
    and discouraged.
  10. You recover. You continue to experiment and learn. You say to yourself: “No method is perfect, but it’s the best I’ve got”

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