DISSIPLINE IS DIKWELS VIR OUERS ‘N KOPSEER.

Written by webmeester on . Posted in Positiewe Ouerskap

Beleef jy dat jou kind dikwels nie met respek teenoor jou optree nie?

Moet jy baiekeer herhaal en dreig voordat jou kind reageer?

Gee jy dikwels uit moedeloosheid toe aan jou kind se geneul oor iets wat sy wil hê?

Is daar dikwels nie  vrede in die huis nie?

AS jy “ja” antwoord op een of meer van die vrae, het jy POSPAR nodig om jou te bemagtig om verantwoordelike te dissiplineer. 

POSPAR se definisie vir suksesvolle dissiplinering is dat die kind iets daaruit  sal leer; dat die dissiplinering die kind sal help om te groei en dat dit die atmosfeer in die huis sal verbeter. Dit stel ook die ouer in staat om net een keer te praat.

Voordat ons aandag gee aan hoe om te dissiplineer, is dit nodig om kennis te neem van wat Stephen Covey sê:

“One of the biggest mistakes people make is trying to teach (or influence or warn or discipline) before they have the relationshop to sustain it.” 

Ons bou ‘n verhouding met ons kinders deur eerstens genoeg tyd en kwaliteit aandag aan hulle te spandeer (lees weer die gedeelte oor kwaliteit tyd op die blog is). Soms het ons nie tyd vir ons kinders nie, omdat óns te besig is. ‘n Ouer wat baie ontsteld is omdat haar tiener seun van die huis weggeloop het, vertel dat sy baie gemeenskapsbetrokke is en behalwe dat sy ‘n voltydse werk het, behoort sy nog aan tien organisasies! Dit kan ook wees dat die kind se program te vol is. Dit is nie nodig dat sy aan min of meer al die buitemuurse aktiwiteite deelneem nie.

Tweedens bou ons ‘n verhouding deur empaties te wees. Dit beteken om jouself telkens in die kind se skoene sal plaas om te probeer ervaar hoe die kind oor ‘n saak voel en om dit dan te verwoord.  Jannie kom met ‘n swak rapport by die huis en Pa sê: “So lyk ‘n rapport as ‘n mens nie leer nie.” Jannie bars in trane uit en gaan sluit homself in die kamer toe. Indien Pa homself in Jannie se skoene geplaas het, sou sy reaksie, terwyl hy sy arm om Jannie se skouers gesit het, waarskynlik gewees het: “Jy voel seker baie teleurgesteld”. So ‘n reaksie sou die deur oopgemaak het vir verdere kommunikasie oor hoe  die saak hanteer kan word om ‘n herhaling te vermy.

Ons gesels volgende keer verder oor dissipline.

POSPAR EN DIE BYBEL (2)

Written by webmeester on . Posted in Positiewe Ouerskap

WAT SÊ DIE BYBEL OOR KWALITEIT TYD?

Jammer dat die ouerleiding blog vir ‘n tydjie gestol het, maar hier is ons weer aan die gang!

Ons is besig om te gesels oor of POSPAR met die Bybel versoenbaar is. Soos ons reeds gesê het: “Dit is”. Die Bybel leer ons onder andere om kwaliteit tyd aan kinders te gee.

POSPAR leer ouers om te verstaan hoe belangrik kwaliteit tyd is – dat kwaliteit tyd ‘n kind se geboortereg is. 

Kwaliteit tyd is tyd wat ‘n ouer afsonder om alleen met ‘n kind deur te bring. Hy of sy gee volle aandag aan die  kind, raak aan die kind en is emosioneel betrokke. Die Here Jesus stel vir ons die voorbeeld. Ons lees is Markus 10:13: “Die mense het kindertjies na Jesus gebring dat Hy hulle moes aanraak. Sy dissipels het met die mense daaroor geraas. Maar toe Jesus dit sien was Hy verontwaardig en het Hy vir hulle gesê: “Laat die kindertjies na My toe kom en moet hulle nie verhinder nie, want die koninkryk van God is juis vir mense soos hulle……….Hy het sy arms om die kindertjies gesit, hulle die hande opgelê en hulle geseën.” Soos die dissipels is ons ook geneig om vir kinders te sê: “Gaan speel, kan julle nie sien ons is met belangrike sake besig nie?” Die vorige geslag het gewoonlik bygevoeg: “Moenie die grootmense se tande staan en tel nie.” Die Here Jesus het egter ‘n besige program onderbreek om eers sy volle aandag aan kinders te gee.

Kwaliteit tyd gaan ook oor die tyd wat ons daaraan spandeer om kinders te help om vir God en mense lief te wees. In Deuteronomium 6:6-9 staan: “Hierdie gebooie wat Ek jou vandag gegee het, moet in jou gedagtes bly. Jy moet dit inskerp by jou kinders en met hulle daaroor praat as jy in jou huis is en as jy op pad is, as jy gaan slaap en as jy opstaan. Jy moet dit as herinneringsteken vasbind aan jou hande, en dit moet ‘n merk op jou voorkop wees. Skryf dit op jou deurkosyn en op jou stadspoorte.” Dit is duidelik dat God van ouers verwag om nooit op te hou om liefde te leef en aan hulle kinders oor te dra nie.

Ons gesels later weer oor kwaliteit tyd in ons gesinslewe.

Is deelnemende ouerskap dieselfde as liberale ouerskap?

Written by webmeester on . Posted in Positiewe Ouerskap

Daar is vroeër op die ouerskap blog gevra of deelnemende ouerskap dieselfde is as liberale ouerskap.

Hoewel dit ‘n baie tegniese vraag is, sal ek probeer om dit te beantwoord: Liberalisme word gekenmerk deur oop, nie-ortodokse denke op alle gebiede, onder andere die godsdiens, ekonomie, kultuur en politiek. Die persoon wat liberaal is moedig dus absolute vryheid van denke aan. Dit bevraagteken alle sake – daar is geen heilige koeie nie.

POSPAR is ‘n kursus in deelnemende ouerskap  Die deelnemende benadering is demokraties en nie liberaal van aard nie. Almal in die gesin se mening word gerespekteer en in ag geneem by besluitneming. Ouers, vanweë hulle ervaring speel natuurlik ‘n belangrike rol. By besluitneming word waardes, waarop die gesin besluit, en verhoudings in ag geneem en nie noodwendig bevraagteken nie. Gesinslede wat afwyk van die gesin se missie word gedissiplineer. Let wel, daar is ‘n verskil tussen straf en dissiplinering, maar daaroor gesels ons later – of woon liewer ‘n POSPAR kursus by.

POSPAR EN DIE BYBEL

Written by Alta Marais on . Posted in Positiewe Ouerskap

Paulus bid dat die Filippense dit sal regkry om empaties te wees –  om hulself in ander mense se skoene te plaas sodat hulle begrip kan hê vir hoe die ander persone voel. Hy gaan dan voort om te sê dat as hulle daarin slaag om emapties te wees, dit hulle in die regte verhouding met God (en sekerlik ook met hulle kinders) sal plaas.

Deur POSPAR help ons ouers om begrip en fyn aanvoeling vir hulle kindes te ontwikkel en ons weet dat dit, meer as enigiets anders, ouers en kinders in die regte verhouding met mekaar en God plaas.

Kom ons demonstreer wat hier gesê is met ‘n alledaagse voorbeelde:

Sannie, ‘n goeie atleet, neem aan ‘n wedstryd deel en presteer nie so goed soos gewoonlik nie. Sy kom vyfde, terwyl sy gewoonlik eerste is. Sy kom sleepvoet, sigbaar teleurgesteld by haar ouer op die pawiljoen aan. Dié is self teleurgesteld en blameer haar: “Ek het mos gesê jy moet vroeg gaan slaap sodat jy kan uitrus, toe weet jy mos van beter en gaan fliek.” Daar was waarskynlik waarheid in die ouer se stelling, maar dit het nie wat gebeur het verander of verbeter nie. Boonop  het die reaksie die verhouding tussen ouer en Sannie skade aangedoen. Sannie se reaksie hierop was: “Hou tog net op!” en toe het sy in trane uitgebars en afgestorm van die pawiljoen – weg van haar ouers.

POSPAR help die ouer om te verstaan dat indien hy of sy fyn aanvoeling openbaar deur figuurlik gesproke in Sannie se skoene te klim om uit te vind hoe sy as gevolg van haar swakker as gewoonlik prestasie gevoel het, hy of sy waarskynlik iets soos die volgende sou wou sê: “Jy voel seker baie teleurgesteld.” So ‘n empatiese respons bewys dat die ouer “‘n fyn aanvoeling het vir dit waarop dit werklik aankom.” Sannie sou beleef hjet dat die ouer begrip het dit sou hulle verhouding met met mekaar positief beïnvloed het. Dit sal ook die hek oopmaak het om weer oor die saak te gesels van hoe ‘n goeie nagrus voor ‘n belangrike resies belngrik is.

Ons hoor graag u kommentaar hierop.

Kwaliteit-tyd

Written by Frederick on . Posted in Positiewe Ouerskap

Kinders is mal daaroor om iets alleen saam met ‘n ouer te doen en dit sluit beide ouers in. Kwaliteit tyd wat een ouer met kinders deurbring, vergoed nie vir die van ‘n afwesige ouer nie.  Alleentyd met beide ouers is vir ‘n kind baie spesiaal, want daar is so dikwels ander gesinslede of volwassenes, werk en vele ander sake wat ook meeding om aandag.

Kom ons kyk ‘n bietjie meer indringend na wat kwaliteit-tyd is:

  • Dit is om saam met jou kind te doen wat die kind graag wil doen. As die ouer die kind nooi om te gaan fiets ry omdat die ouer daarvan hou, is dit nie kwaliteit tyd nie. As die kind daarvan hou en dit aan die hand doen en die ouer gaan saam met hom ry, is dit wel. As die kleuter graag op die mat wil rondrol en die ouer doen dit saam, is dit vir hom kwaliteit tyd en groot pret en word daar gebou aan ‘n positiewe verhouding. ‘n Mens is so geneig om iets anders aan die hand te doen as die kind met ‘n voorstel vir ‘n aktiwiteit kom soos wanneer die kleutertjie byvoorbeeld vra om wegkruipertjie te speel en die ouer aan die hand doen dat lekkerder sal wees om ‘n bal te skop of ‘n storie te lees. Die geheim is om te doen wat die kind voorstel. ‘n Ouer sou byvoorbeeld: ‘n uitnodiging aanvaar om “Monopoly” te speel (al wil hy dalk die uitgerekte speletjie verdoop na “monotony”); op die kind se versoek saam met hom in die motorhuis timmer, selfs wanneer hy sou verkies om rustig ‘n boek te lees; n uitnodiging aanvaar om op ‘n koelerige dag te gaan swem; dieselfde storie vir die hoeveelste keer lees.
  • Tweedens kan kwaliteit-tyd kan ook beteken dat jy soms saam met jou kind dinge doen wat jy voorstel en waarvan hy baie hou. Die onveilbare toets is dat dit sal deurgaan as kwaliteit tyd as die kind opgewonde is oor jou voorstel.Nooi dus gerus jou kind om saam met jou te gaan tennis speel – jy sal gou agterkom of hy entoesiasties is daaroor.Bied aan om saam met jou kind kleinkoekies te bak of lekkers te maak. Pas op om nie teveel raad te gee nie. Laat die kind toe om self inisiatief te neem. Nooi jou jong kind saam na ‘n konsert of vertoning – dit laat haar moontlik goed voel om na so ‘n grootmens geleentheid saam met jou te gaan. Nooi jou kind om saam te gaan inkopies doen. Verdeel die lysie in twee indien julle kruideniersware koop en vra die kind om een van die lysies se items te soek en in te pak. Julle sal moontlik voel asof julle vennote is. Pa nooi die kind om alleen saam met hom na ‘n wedstryd te gaan kyk. Een pa vertel hoe hy elke Woensdagoggend een van sy kinders nooi om voor skool saam met hom te gaan ontbyt eet. Omdat hulle entoesiasties is daaroor, is dit nooit ‘n kwessie dat die betrokke kind vroeër moet opstaan vir die geleentheid nie.
  • Derdens sluit dit ook die tyd in wat gebruik word vir gevoelskommunikasie tussen ouer en kind is. ‘n Kind beleef dat hy sekuriteit het as hy of sy seker weet dat sy ouers lief is vir hom of haar en dit kommunikeer – deur vir die kind te sê dat jy vir hom lief is (veral wanneer hy dit nie verwag nie) en dit ook nie-verbaal oordra. Jy soen, streel en druk hom. Kinders van alle ouderdomme het ‘n diepgaande behoefte aan liefde en vertroeteling. Wees egter sensitief oor hoe, waar en wanneer jy vasdruk. ‘n Tienerseun wil moontlik nie voor sy maats oorweldig word met drukkies en soentjies nie, maar hy sal dit baie geniet as sy rug gekrap of sy kop gevryf word terwyl julle televisie kyk. Seuns geniet ook ‘n stoeisessie met Pa. ‘n Liefderyke, waarderende briefie of notatjie sal sal moontlik bewaar en gekoester word. ‘n Waarderende glimlaggie in jou kind se rigting, is soms net wat nodig is.

  • Vierdens is daar roetine kwaliteit-tyd. Gedurende die elke dag se roetine handelinge is daar geleenthede vir rituele. Dit is hierdie intieme, herhalende rituele wat kinders onthou nadat hulle lankal groot is. Daar is geleenthede soos slaaptyd met gepaardgaande stories, drukkies en ‘n laaste karnuffel; skool toe gaan saam met Pa terwyl Ma waai tot die kar om die draai is; dieselfde lekker liedjie, versie of gesegde wat elke oggend herhaal word voor die vertrek maak daarvan ‘n okasie; ‘n spesiale skuimbad wat net toelaatbaar is die aand voordat ‘n kind teruggaan koshuis toe, afgerond deur sy geliefkoosde gereg vir ontbyt laat hom spesiaal voel en versag die afskeid. Kwaliteit aandag as ma of pa terugkom van die werk (in plek daarvan dat daar dadelik na die pos gekyk word of begin word met die aandete), word vir kinders tye om na uit te sien. Tyd om te luister as die kind van die skool af kom is gewoonlik daarvoor verantwoordelik dat jou kind vir die res van die dag gekoester voel. ‘n Kind het behoefte om met sy ouer te bind as hy kom of gaan. ‘n Paar minute om te luister, speel of drukkies uit te deel kan wondere verrig sodra die ouer tuis kom of voordat hy die huis verlaat op pad na iewers. Dit help ook as die kind weet waarheen die ouer op pad is en wat hy gaan doen. Dit is ook kwaliteit-aandag wat ‘n ouer bestee wanneer hy of sy ‘n kind entoesiasties maak oor sy werk of gemeenskapsdiens projek. Inligting oor nie-konfidensiële sake wat daarmee verband hou laat hom belangrik voel.
  • Vyfdens is die tyd wat jy spandeer om teenwoordig te wees en te deel in die spesiale okasies in jou kind se lewe ook kwaliteit-tyd. Dit sluit in die bywoning van sportdae, om saam te gaan as jou kind die eerste dag skool toe gaan, die viering van verjaardae op die manier wat hy verkies, ope dae by die skool of kleuterskool en prysuitdelings.

Kinders het kwaliteit tyd nodig.

Soos ‘n blom water nodig het om te groei, so gedy ‘n kind op kwaliteit tyd.

Ouers het gewoonlik nie tyd daarvoor nie en moet dus tyd maak daarvoor.  Dit word gedoen deur ‘n perk te plaas op sosiale verpligtinge, deur  te kies om iets saam met jou kind te doen  eerder as om die kombuisvloer te was, deur op ongestrykte lakens te slaap omdat jy saam met jou kind gaan swem het, deur saam stories te lees eerder as om na die televisie te kyk. Jy sal die vrugte daarvan pluk in die vorm van ‘n positiewe verhouding met jou kind.

 

 

When Your Adult Child Is Not Succeeding

Written by Alta Marais on . Posted in Positiewe Ouerskap

Often parents feel guilty for past failures and allow an adult child to manipulate them and give in to unreasonable demands. But the fact is that you may be hurting more than helping. The more dependent your child becomes, the worse they will feel about themselves.

When you withhold funds, they may find the motivation they need to look for work. When they work, they begin to feel better about themselves. If you and your spouse cannot agree on a strategy for helping your child, then perhaps you need to talk to a pastor or counselor who can help you be objective. It’s worth the time and effort to get on a positive track. They need to see that you have their best interests in mind.

Should We Agree?

One of the first steps is seeking to understand the young person’s point of view. This requires a willingness to ask questions, and then to listen with a view to understanding what is going on in the mind of the child. This is a bridge that many parents find difficult to cross. Remember that we don’t have to agree with our children in order to affirm their ideas. It is such affirming realism that helps young adults mature.

Uniting with Your Spouse

If you are struggling with the behavior of your adult child, it is essential that you and your spouse talk with each other. When the two of you have agreed on a strategy, then stand by each other as you talk with your adult child. It is a united front, shared with love and firmness that convinces the young adult that he is at a crossroads in life. Your togetherness helps both of you to handle your frustration, and your marriage has a chance to grow stronger.

There are five love languages. What’s yours? Take the 30-second quiz .

Excerpt taken from Parenting Your Adult Child   by Dr. Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell.

To find out more about Gary Chapman’s resources, visit Five Love Languages.

When parenting makes your head spin …

Written by Alta Marais on . Posted in Positiewe Ouerskap

Your Parenting TOOLKIT…

10 September’ 08

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Dear parents to be, moms, dads, caregivers, grandparents & educators of children between the ages of 0 to 18 years old. This week we are talking

when parenting makes your head spin. Most parents agree: It doesn’t take much to occasionally feel overwhelmed as a parent. Your child can easily throw you off-kilter by raising issues you’re unprepared to tackle or acting in ways you weren’t expecting. Scroll down to this weeks PARENTING TOOLKIT for hands-on tips which I do encourage you to share with your partner. Do feel free to forward this PARENTING TOOLKIT to friends & family. If you are not yet a member and would like to receive my toolkits & have access to hundreds of parenting tools and tips on-line at www.intouchparenting.co.za, click here.


If you receive this toolkit directly from In Touch it means that you are an In Touch member with a username & password which gives you access to hundreds of tips, tools & articles [updated daily] on our TIPS & TOOLS section. Did you perhaps forget your login detail? Click on the following link I forgot my login detail!


ONLINE MARKETING AGENT NEEDED URGENTLY:

Are you already working as an online marketing agent and need another client who can offer you the opportunity to increase your monthly income substantially? In Touch is looking for an Online Marketing Agent to start immediately. I have qualified leads that needs to be followed up ASAP. Click here for more detail & to read about the requirements.


2Be part of our CSI project…

We place great emphasis in our country on the safety, development and well being of children and this should be greatly applauded. After all children are our future, it is into their hands that we pass on the great beauty and diversity of South Africa. While we agree with all the efforts and initiatives that are being taken we feel that the major role players in a child’s life are their parents/caregivers.

Yet, somehow in this intricate web of endeavouring to raise safe, well developed and educated children, we forget about the parents and what a vital role they can play, when and if they chose to. THE PROUD PARENTS PROJECT wants to emphasize the importance of a parent’s [caregivers] role in any child’s life. A loving, supportive, committed parent can single handedly change the destiny of their children. Our leaders & communities needs to include and address vital & significant parenting issues, which need to be recognized by Government NOW. The first responsibility of parents is to POSITIVELY GUIDE, LOVE AND CARE for their children. Click here to read more. Interested to get involved? Click here

HAPPY MARRIAGE=HAPPY FAMILY:

Be an IN TOUCH partner

Add sizzle in the bedroom

Help your depressed spouse

Get your partner to talk

Make time for your mate

and much more

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ALL FOR DAD!

Balance between work & family

Techno / Digital panic

Tips for NEW dads

Porn: what to tell the kids

Fun in fatherhood

You and your partner

ADHD in adults

and much more

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TODDLERS :

Toddler Chores

Top potty training tips

Nutrition & picky eaters

Sleep, what is that?

Temper tantrums

Get your toddler to listen

– Effective instructions

and much more

5 TWEENS:

Development in nutshell

Video Games: play it safe

About bullying

Managing attention problems

Discipline & Boundaries

Stop the ‘talking back’

– A healthy Self Esteem

and much more

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TEENS:

What is MXIT?

Teach values & morals

Eating disorder prevention

Survive 1st year high school

Truth about club drugs

Teaching them about money

and much more

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PREGNANT?

– Healthy Pregnancy

– Boy or Girl?

Fetal Development

– Top Do’s and Dont’s

Exercise when pregnant?

Expectant fathers fears

and much more

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CONGRATULATIONS to the winner of our BABYSENSE SEMINAR COMPETITION IN CAPE TOWN:Robyn Weiss


9

Keen to promote your product or service on our toolkit or website?

Click here to find out more!


I do appreciate suggestions & feedback from parents regarding my toolkits & website. Many thanks for a wonderful tool and for being a great source of support and inspiration to those of us determined to be the best parents we can be :-)”-Sandy Click here to mail me your feedback, comment or suggestions. Read what other parents say


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YOUR PARENTING TOOLKIT

When parenting makes your head spin

“Before I got married, I had six theories about bringing up children. Now I have six children, and no theories.” —Anonymous

Most parents agree: It doesn’t take much to occasionally feel overwhelmed as a parent. Your child can easily throw you off-kilter by raising issues you’re unprepared to tackle or acting in ways you weren’t expecting.

A 2002 Search Institute-YMCA parent survey, Building Strong Families, reveals that three out of four parents felt they were doing “less than great” as parents, and one in five said they were either doing “poorly” or “just okay.” All parents find themselves stymied by parenting at one time or another. Here’s how to keep a cool head when those times hit:

For all parents

  • Know that you’re not alone: Even though parenting can be quite rewarding, many also say that it’s downright tough at times.
  • Resolve to develop (or deepen) your sense of humor. Kids come up with the craziest ideas. Instead of losing your temper when their ideas go awry, take a break, deal with the situation, and try to find a bit of humor in it. As one parent says, “At least my son didn’t burn down the garage!”
  • Get to know other parents. Make an effort to introduce yourself and learn new names when you’re present at your child’s activities. Strike up conversations about common parenting topics. Not all parents will be interested in sharing what their kids are doing, but you’ll find some who are willing to commiserate and problem-solve with you while creating a supportive network of like-minded parents.
  • It’s vital to network with other parents when you’re a single parent. Some get together regularly to discuss creative ways to make life easier. One solution might involve setting up a childcare co-op. For example, a group of single parents may take turns trading childcare responsibilities one Saturday afternoon a month, giving the others a “parenting break.” Parents rotate homes so that each single parent cares for the children once a month in their home and gets a break the other three Saturday afternoons a month. Click here to connect to a great SINGLEPARENTS NETWORK.
  • Be clear that you’re not your children’s “dumping ground.” Kids are notorious for saying, “I need to be at such-and-such a place at such-and-such a time” a few minutes before the event begins (even when you were never told about the event to begin with), or for needing certain supplies that you don’t own. Sometimes you’ll find yourself scrambling to comply, but it’s ultimately helpful (and appropriate) to teach kids to be respectful of your time and ask them to give you proper notice—without expecting you to do everything for them. They can do their part.

For parents with children ages birth to 5

  • Pace yourself. This is an extremely intense time for most parents. It’s easy to lose yourself in the physical and emotional demands of this phase, but it’s also crucial that you raise infants well by meeting their needs, and monitoring young children closely while giving them stimulating activities. Take naps when your kids nap. Cut back on other activities if you need more time to yourself. Get lots of ideas on how to care for yourself from the asset-building book Parenting Preschoolers with a Purpose.
  • Find other caring, responsible adults who can spend time with your kids and give you a much-needed break from time to time. Grandparents often enjoy spending time with your kids. So do aunts, uncles, and babysitters that you trust.
  • Enjoy this time with your young children. Even though it’s aggravating to have toys strewn all over the house, spit-up on your clothes, and dirty dishes in the sink, try to let go of your internal resistance and discover some of the joys of this age group. Preschoolers hold an incredible view of the world, and they often make funny and insightful connections that adults don’t.

For parents with children ages 6 – 9

  • Parenting can become overwhelming at this stage because there’s so much to keep track of with your growing child’s physical needs and homework and school demands. Try to keep on top of it all, because it’s important for your child to do the best he or she can in school. At times, it may feel as though you’re more of a student than your child is. However, your child will learn important study habits when you sit side-by-side during homework time. You can gradually pull back as your child takes on more of the responsibility of schoolwork.
  • Sometimes feel like a cab driver or transportation president? This feeling is common when you’re driving your child from activity to activity (particularly when you multiply that feeling by the number of kids you have). Figure out ways to make the “getting there” and “getting back” times more fun for you both. Sing songs aloud together. Listen in on your kids’ conversations. Pack a bag with magazines, a novel, or handwork that you can do while you’re waiting for them.
  • Do something to recharge yourself. Occasionally leave your kids with a responsible adult, and visit a place that excites or calms you. Is there a botanical garden nearby? A museum? A park with a walking path? A library? A coffeehouse where you can meet a friend?For parents with children ages 10 – 15
  • Remember the early childhood years and how they made your head spin? Welcome to Part Two! (Some parents contend that the most intense parenting years are from the ages 0 to 5 and 10 to 15.) Although your kids are pulling away from you and becoming more independent, it’s important to monitor and remain involved in what they’re doing, who they’re with, and where they’re going. Stay engaged, even when your kids may signal you to stay out of their lives.
  • Kids at this age can be impulsive, and may pressure you to let them do things—fast. Slow down the process. Ask questions. Help young teenagers think through actions and consequences. For example, if your child wants to go to a music concert, don’t just automatically agree (or say no) without exploring the request further. Find out if other adults are going. Ask about the price of a concert ticket. Learn how your child plans to get to and from the concert. Find out whether the concert is truly acceptable for this age group. Model and discuss together these other aspects so that your child can learn to plan, consider the bigger picture, and not be so quick to jump into new experiences.
  • Know that most kids are going to experiment in some way with risk-taking behaviors, such as getting into trouble at school or even trying alcohol. When these difficult behaviors happen, work with your child to limit the risk-taking to a one-shot experience (if at all). Set limits and consequences, and be firm while also reminding your child how much you love him or her.
  • The teen years are often described as a period of “storm and stress.” And while you may find yourself in far more contentious situations with your emerging teenager, remember to love, support, and listen to your teenager, too. One of the more interesting Search Institute findings is that while 70 percent of young people feel they have Asset 1, Family Support, only about 30 percent report they have Asset 2, Positive Family Communication. So talk with your child, and also listen to him or her.
  • As long as you’re aware of what’s happening in your children’s lives, you can relax and enjoy some of the funny, crazy things they do. For example, at a sleepover, one of the girls called each of the other girls’ dads to say how much their daughters loved them (while the daughter screamed in the background), before giggling and hanging up. Some of the playful behavior at this age is harmless and worth laughing about.

For parents with children ages 16 – 18

  • Although teenagers at this age tend to be less impulsive than in earlier teen years, they can still be overly spontaneous at times and may need guidance in thinking things through. Give teenagers room to make their own decisions, but continue to ask them questions to help them see the broader picture.
  • Talk and listen to your teenager to understand how much involvement he or she wants from you when making decisions involving school schedules, projects, part-time jobs, financial decisions, college shopping, relationship decisions, and so on. Your perspective often can be very helpful to teenagers. Make sure, though, that they “own” the process and make the final decision themselves.
  • Remember to take time for yourself. Relax with A Moment’s Peace for Parents of Teens.
  • Find out about the creative things teenagers do to make life interesting. For example, at some high schools teenagers compete with each other to ask a date to a dance in the most original way possible. Enjoy these acts, even if your teenager does goofy things that make you shake your head, such as wearing tennis shoes with a tuxedo.
  • Let some things go. Even when teenagers are older, they can still make your head spin. As long as your teen isn’t in danger or creating trouble, sometimes it’s best to just sit down and take a deep breath before trying to figure out what you’ll say or do next.
tip for the week…  Relaxation strategies for parents There are some very easy ways to unwind. Reading a magazine, watching some television, finding some time for your favourite interests – simple things can make you feel better about your day.

Anything that reduces your physical or mental tension can ease your stress levels. This might be going for a walk, reading a book, or doing some gardening, yoga or meditation.

Some people find shopping relieves stress. This might help but beware of the downsides, such as spending more than you can afford. There are also tapes or CDs available in public libraries and bookshops which can help with relaxation..Click here for more parenting tools & tips

Remember that the site gets updated on a daily basis to make sure we stay in touch with fresh ideas, tips and tools that makes our parenting journey easier and much more fun.

Buckle-up yourself & YOUR CHILDREN when in the car. Read here why we say it is essential.

May God bless you and your family!

Yours in POSITIVE PARENTING!

Adéle Grosse <*)))>< [Luca & Ringo’s Mom]

Parenting Skills Facilitator